Violeta

By Isabel Allende

My emotional lineage ends with you

Since my mother’s death, I have been thinking about lineage and ancestry. My namesake, my mother’s grandmother, had thirteen children. Eight were girls. As I grew into adulthood I referred to them as “The Matriarchy.” My family moved away from my parents’ home city of Chicago, so I would see the “Aunts” only so often. But their presence loomed large in conversations, family stories and Christmas cards. According to legend they were strong women, usually managing hard-working, hard-drinking husbands and a brood of kids. They reminded me of the adage from My Greek Wedding, “the man may be the head of the family but the woman is the neck. And the neck turns the head.”

I’ve been collecting old photos and marinating in memory. But I had not thought of the term “emotional lineage” until I read Isabel Allende’s newest novel.

Her story of a life spanning two world-wide epidemics, cultural revolution, and brutal bloody regime changes is far more dramatic than my lineage of farmers, blue collar workers and a few captains of industry. But In reading the history of Violeta’s life—the painting Allende creates of emotional lineage—I saw a road map. I observed, step by step, how she emotionally navigated her journey in and around that of her culture, her family, and her environment.

I pondered her phrase “emotional lineage” and what Violeta meant in acknowledging an endpoint. I thought about the emotional lineage I received, and what I hope to leave my children. How new science about epigenetics suggests to us that emotional experiences create physical change which doesn’t, in fact, end with a single generation. It is passed down.

When I had a young family, I remember reading and hearing that my generation would not be able to improve on the prosperity of our parent's generation - the American dream. I remember thinking at that time, and I still believe this, that we may not improve on the prosperity, but hopefully we can improve the psycho/emotional/spiritual quality of our children’s lives. For I, as a young woman, had at my disposal resources in therapy and mental health support that my mother’s generation, and my grandmother’s couldn’t imagine or believe they would ever need.

My emotional lineage is one of women navigating marriage and family to create what they knew to be a better life. In my family, my generation was the first where women attended college. We were likely the first where leaving a difficult marriage by divorce was ever an option. Am I any better off emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, than the lineage I inherited? I like to think so, also recognizing that I stand on the shoulders of women who invested in the hopes and dreams they held for their children in the best way they knew how. And I hope that the lessons I have learned about healing emotional wounds, cultivating personal empowerment, and engaging healthier relationships are passed down to my children.

At the end of her life, Violeta mourned her losses and limitations, came to terms with what she wasn’t able to change or save, and savored the experiences of truth and beauty in her life. I hope to be able to do the same.