Anxious People
By Fredrik Backman
…in recent years society has turned into a place where nothing is named according to what it is anymore. There was a time when a bank was a bank. But now there are evidently “cashless” banks, banks without any money, which is surely something of a travesty? It’s hardly surprising that people get confused and society is going to the dogs when it’s full of caffein-free coffee, gluten-free bread, alcohol-free beer.”
The entire point, it seems, of this beautiful, funny, and tender book is: no wonder we are all anxious. Who the heck could make sense of life? So let’s all give ourselves a little grace. Because we are surrounded by idiots. And we are them.
At a recent meeting of my mother-daughter book group one of the mom’s held her paperback copy of this book up to her heart and said “This is my all time favorite book. I LOVE this book,” with emphasis on love. I would not describe this woman as especially emotive. So I was surprised to see her reaction, and then to see it echoed in the wide popularity of this book and the enthusiasm of Backman’s readers.
Maybe it’s because the pandemic has left us all feeling so incredibly confused and incompetent. Backman’s story helps us see that about ourselves, and maybe understand it a little better. He doesn’t shy away from the tough stuff, suicide, empty lives, excruciating loneliness. But he helps us look at it with an eye for the absurd. Because in his cleverly written story, nothing is really as it seems. Relationships are broken, but not for the reasons we think. People are participating in life, but not in the ways we expect. Actions have consequences, but not necessarily the consequences we believe they should have.
And such is life.
It think I saw a lot of what he was trying to say in this book and took it very personally. My judgments are not only shortsighted and ridiculous, they don’t really matter. My crafty observations of things are perhaps formed by illusions and misperceptions. Even my thought-through decisions - those on which I carefully hang sleepless nights and and mind-spinning inner dialogue, could unravel in ways I could never have imagined. And sometimes that can be a good thing.
It’s a clever and beautiful book and I envy his art, craft and skill in writing it. But most importantly, it is a story of grace in a topsy-turvy world which doesn’t offer much in the way of grace right now. Having taught pre-school for the past few years, my heart especially warmed to the following scene.
Two characters, Anna-Lena and Julia, are discussing the lament of Anna-Lena whose daughter has decided not to have children. She is concerned for herself and her husband especially, that they will miss something essential in life.
“Is that why she doesn’t want kids?” says Julia to Anna-Lena.
“Yes, that’s what she says. Unless I’ve misunderstood. I probably have. But maybe it would be good for the environment if there weren’t quite so many people, I don’t know. I just wish Roger could feel important again.”
Julia didn’t seem to follow the logic.
“Grandchildren would make him feel important?”
Anna-Lena smiled weakly.
“Have you ever held a three-year-old by the hand on the way home from preschool?”
“No.”
“You’re never more important than you are then.”
The book is full of ideas like that.
Author: Frederik Backman